What to Say to Someone Who Relapsed: A Guide to Offering Support and Understanding
Relapse is a painful and complex experience, regardless of the addiction or challenging behavior involved. Knowing what to say to someone who has relapsed can be difficult, as offering the right kind of support is crucial for their recovery journey. This guide will help you navigate this sensitive situation with empathy and understanding.
Important Note: The information provided here is for general guidance. It is not a substitute for professional advice. If you are concerned about someone's well-being, encourage them to seek help from a qualified healthcare professional or addiction specialist.
What NOT to Say:
Before we delve into what you can say, let's address common pitfalls:
- "I told you so." This is judgmental and unhelpful. It shuts down communication and makes the person feel even worse.
- "You're weak." This is incredibly damaging and contributes to feelings of shame and self-blame.
- "Just stop." Addiction is a complex issue; it's not something that can simply be "stopped" with willpower.
- Minimizing their experience. Statements like "It's not that bad" or "Everyone slips up" invalidate their feelings and struggle.
- Offering unsolicited advice. Unless you're a qualified professional, avoid giving advice on treatment or recovery methods.
What TO Say:
Your primary goal should be to offer support and let the person know they are not alone. Here are some helpful phrases and approaches:
1. Expressing Empathy and Validation:
- "I'm so sorry to hear that. This must be incredibly difficult for you." This acknowledges their pain and validates their feelings.
- "I'm here for you, no matter what." This offers unconditional support and reassurance.
- "Relapse is a part of recovery for many people. It doesn't mean you've failed." This reframes relapse as a setback, not a complete failure.
2. Addressing Their Feelings and Needs:
- "How are you feeling right now?" This encourages open communication and allows them to express their emotions.
- "What can I do to help?" This offers practical support and empowers them to ask for what they need. Be prepared to follow through.
- "Are you safe?" This is especially important if the relapse involves substance abuse or self-harm.
- "Would you like to talk about what happened?" Only ask this if they seem open to it; don't pressure them.
3. Encouraging Professional Help:
- "Have you considered reaching out to your therapist/sponsor/support group?" Gently remind them of the resources available to them.
- "There are people who can help you navigate this. Would you like me to help you find some resources?" Offer practical assistance in finding professional help.
4. Focusing on the Future:
- "What's your plan for moving forward?" This encourages them to take ownership of their recovery.
- "We'll get through this together." This reinforces your support and commitment to their journey.
Addressing Specific Concerns:
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How do I deal with feeling angry or disappointed? It’s okay to feel these emotions. Acknowledge them, process them healthily (maybe through journaling or talking to a friend), and focus on how you can best support the person going through relapse. Don't let your feelings overshadow their need for support.
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What if they don't want help? This is a difficult situation. You can continue to offer your support and let them know you are there for them when they are ready. However, you can't force someone into recovery.
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How can I support them without enabling their behavior? Set healthy boundaries. You can offer emotional support without enabling harmful behaviors. This might mean not giving them money or letting them stay at your house if their behavior puts you or others at risk.
Remember, relapse is a part of the recovery process for many people. By offering compassionate support and encouraging professional help, you can make a significant difference in their journey toward recovery.
